God’s Design for Covenant Marriage – Sex in the Sacred Synthesis

There is no “Sex in the City” in the kingdom. The futility of selfishness produces this sentiment, an endless search for can never be obtained in any way other than God’s design. 

There is sex in marriage covenant, by design. We include this in the “cleave” part of the Creation equation: “This is why a man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife. They shall no longer be two, but one flesh.”

The issue isn’t whether or not sex predominately or exclusively exists to produce babies with pleasure as some kind of physical motivator to maintain the species, or whether or not sexual appetite, like hunger or thirst, provides relief and pleasure like eating or drinking, or whether or not we are getting the most out of God’s design through technique, tools, and treatments. No. Asking these questions or discussing this issues misses the point. 

Jesus says, “Two shall be one.” He isn’t referring to physical aspects of sex alone. That is, every time two people have a sexual encounter, God isn’t joining them together! This isn’t the “two shall be one” to which Jesus refers, the from the beginning of Creation design of man and woman. No. The “two shall be one” that God joins together is the covenant relationship which includes physical joining. If a couple lost all physical ability to be joined physically, however, they would remain in oneness by the spiritual oneness of marriage covenant.

The goal of intimacy cannot even be discussed outside God’s design and definition for “marriage” as a kingdom covenant relationship. The discussion of “from the beginning of Creation” includes the two be differentiated into male and female and brought back together by the Creator in a covenantal relationship in the context of dominion.

God created adam, male and female created He them. The male and female were all together in adam, or humanity as the animals, birds, and fish were examined and named by adam. Then, adam realized that these species all lived with male and female differentiations, but there was no one for adam. Man was lonely even when he was both male and female. 

God put adam, male and female, into a deep sleep, took something from his side that was female in distinction and differentiation, and created isha and brought her to ish. Male and female were joined back together as one although they were distinctly male and female, two individuals and genders.

God expressed His image in adam as male and female, and then brought greater clarity to that image in marriage covenant. In this way, we see God’s image, not in animals, birds, fish, or male or female alone, but in marriage covenant. 

Then, God said, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it. Take dominion…” The marriage covenant is the original basis for kingdom, the building block of culture. Man named the animals because he had dominion, then through marriage he would multiply to fill the earth as the animals filled the earth and take dominion over all of Creation.

So, we see marriage, covenant, and kingdom from the beginning of Creation.

Sexual Design

Male and female represent both physical, soulish, and spiritual differentiation. Genders represent differentiation in roles, responsibilities, and relationship. The relationship is defined by God as marriage, “two shall be one.” The responsibilities are defined by the roles God designed for man and woman, husband and wife, within the relationship. 

The “leave” is permanent selectivity, one man and one woman in a “I choose you alone” relationship of marriage covenant. The “cleave” describes the forging of the relationship God designed “from the beginning of the Creation” so that a man and a woman enter into the “God joins together.” God only joins together a man and a woman in kingdom marriage covenant. The covenant can be broken, as any covenant may be broken, violated, dissolved, or replaced with a superior covenant. For marriage, the superior covenant only comes available after this life.

Sexual design is part of God’s way for humans to experience spirit, soul, and body oneness and completeness as the most basic building block of kingdom culture. Sexual activity, even in marriage, that is other than this oneness leaves us dissatisfied by its incompleteness, leaves us feeling “separate” and “distinct” again in ways that open doors for vulnerabilities to hellish intrusions at some level.

Consider 1 Corinthians 7 – “Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife. So do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterward they should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control.” [emphasis added to denote the point at which prolonged lack of oneness makes married couples vulnerable.]

The point I am making here is that oneness is the end result of spiritual unity, the oneness of spirit, soul, and body, available to husband and wife in kingdom covenant marriage.

Jesus takes us back to the beginning because the beginning hasn’t changed. Man, both male and female, experienced loneliness that is “not good” when they are not married. The “not good” comes after Creation was considered “very good” in the sense that a higher differentiation was needed as the crowning glory and honor of Creation. “Man was made a little lower than angels and crowned with glory and honor.” Man was differentiated from animals, birds, and fish, and was unique in that man bore God’s image, and was to take dominion over Creation. The “not good” called for the highest differentiation between male and female so that the highest representation of the image of God would be available in kingdom marriage covenant. Sex fits into our lives at this point of Creation.

Each time we erase a line between this highest level of differentiation, we move ourselves closer to a design and definition of man that is “animal” in nature. When we erase the line between male and female, we are but one step from erasing the line between man and animal. Erasing the Creator from the picture altogether immediately creates a framework for defining man as a little higher than animals, at best, but never a little lower than angels crowned with glory and honor, the “in the image of God” part of Creation. In this framework, marriage ceases to be spiritual, and sex ceases to achieve its highest designed purpose and meaning.

Gender Clarity and Sexual Design

Male desires oneness or feels alone and incomplete. Woman desires oneness or feels objectified and utilitarian. When either one of these desires isn’t fulfilled in kingdom marriage covenant, the culture suffers from the dysfunction that occurs in family or gender clarity. The roles of men and women in culture are generally describe through marriage because God intended kingdom covenant marriage to define family while providing for exceptions. It isn’t that anyone who isn’t married is disobedient but that kingdom covenant marriage is most consistent with God’s design for human culture. Obviously, cultures have moved away from that design and definition throughout the world and history, but that does nothing to negate the availability of this kingdom norm for every saint right here, right now! 

What God designed and defined is fully available to us today! It is what He still wants for us today!

“Gender clarity” means that male and female reach their highest in marriage. Male or female without marriage isn’t wrong or “weird” as much as it is limited. And, for culture to reach stability and strength, it needs kingdom covenant marriage as a building block, or at the very least, marriage as God designed and defined it.

In cultural and general terms, man alone is “not good.” Further, man having sex for reproductive, pleasurable, or physical fulfillment purpose is “not good.” Again, man having sexual confusion about the meaning and purpose of sex leaves the natural desire dissatisfied by incompleteness, and endless searching and longing result in diminishing returns.

The sexual revolution has emptied sex of its meaning, and studies show the satisfaction it brings in decline accordingly. Even in marriage, satisfaction declines when we lose the meaning of sex. Misconceptions abound. Miscommunication explodes. Misrepresentation heightens. The very opposite meaning and purpose becomes the “new norm.” Love gives way to selfishness, and lust becomes the design and definition of sex. The literature, dramatization, cultural norms, representation of male and female take on inadequate, perverted, or misguided motivation. Sacredness is lost. Holiness is lost. Purity is lost. Sex becomes animalistic, hormonal, genetic, and individual when it should be spiritual, holy, completing, with all the byproducts of that foundation available to family and culture.

Oddly, most moderns assume that sex is a need to be dealt with like hunger and thirst. In reality, sex is not a need beyond the discuss that sex is necessary to maintain the species by producing offspring. Certainly, we seem to assume that males need sex when this is an erroneous concept. Sex can represent torment to both genders in that it can be a demanding desire that never produces completeness because it was designed and defined in kingdom marriage covenant for that oneness. The deepest need that answers to oneness cannot be satisfied merely by physical intimacy of some description.

Gender clarification is more than male and female physical plumbing and appearance. Gender represents definable aspects of the image of God, a spiritual oneness brings that image into family and culture through marriage covenant.

Kingdom Marriage Covenant

We should be startled now to understand that we have nearly lost all traces of kingdom marriage covenant, at least for the general population and social consciousness. Observing kingdom marriage covenant is not something easily accomplished, and a vast segment of our culture cannot say they’ve seen it, experienced it as children of such a KMC, or understand what that would mean for them personally as they approach adulthood. Whole segments of our society have never witnessed a marriage ceremony, would have little understanding of the traditions that accompany that ceremony, and would have a concept of ‘marriage’ so foreign and even opposite to what God designed and defined that they would be perplexed with a kind of wonder to observe it for themselves.

Consider how many children grow up in a family with an intact, fully functional kingdom marriage covenant. Consider how many children grow up in a family with a marriage covenant. Consider how many children grow up in a family with marriage involved at all. Consider how many children grow up with a family. Consider how many children grow up observing gender clarity, the proper intent and meaning of sex, and the wholesome experience of respect for male and female identity. 

Most presentations of sex in media are overwhelmingly between unmarried people who define sex by relief or pleasure like eating and drinking. Weed out the presentations of marriage that are negative or tragic, and little is ever seen by segments of society that represents marriage at all, let alone kingdom marriage covenant. We have a lot of rebuilding to do, and I mention this reality simply to reinforce in your mind that God’s Design for Covenant Marriage requires a lot more than disgust about gay marriage or a discussion of avoiding divorce or adultery!

For the Ecclesia to represent the kingdom to our culture, we need to create a condition in which kingdom marriage covenant is a norm for kingdom people.

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Dr. Don

Dr. Don

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